We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
- ANAIS NIN

This weekend I celebrate my 25th birthday, and I have to say that I do so somewhat reluctantly. As Michael so morbidly states, 25 means I am now a quarter dead. So does this mean I am going to start lying about my age? No, but I do feel that I’ve started judging myself a little harder lately and will probably continue to do so.

Have I accomplished enough in my life thus far?
Everyone evaluates success in their own way and I am not sure I have figured out where my own view point lies.

Is success measure by your level of education or job history? Should I have gone back to school to finish my degree even though I hated it? Has being a stay-at-home mom the last 18 months sent me sliding backwards down the ladder?
While I may occasionally miss the “clock in – clock out” world, mainly working in the Emergency Room at St Johns, I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I love my days as a Military wife and mommy to our child(ren).

In my opinion, you cannot rely on another person’s definition for your own success, instead, you have to write it yourself. To me, success is spending every single day for the rest of your life fighting for your dreams.
My dreams meant marrying a man that I met in and fell in love with when I was 16. My dreams mean being a mommy to two absolutely beautiful children, and another on the way.

Occasionally I look at old photos and I miss that “punk rock princess” and the high aspirations I clung to. Looking back I have to remind myself that I didn’t fail myself, but instead that sometimes your dreams may change, and that is okay.

So now, beginning a new year, I am prompting myself to look to the future – to begin setting new goals for myself and continue with some that had been set aside years ago.

My newest passion has been web design. The big project this past year has been MWC. I put so many hours and long nights into building the site and I have no regrets. I love how it has grown and continue to have even bigger & better plans for this coming year.

Oh, My camera. I love looking at the world through a lens. I think sometimes I find it more beautiful that way. My problem has been knowing how far I want to go with it. I have a website that just “sits there”. While several people have approached me recently about doing sessions for them, I seem to find ways to be busy. It’s not that I don’t want to do it, but that I’m nervous. I don’t want to book a session and hate the shots afterwards. I’m determined to become more confident in my abilities so that I can actually do more with my photography, whatever “more” may be.

And finally, I’m writing again and I cannot even explain how amazing it feels. I find myself constantly searching for inspiration. After a long time of turning my eyes from the pen & paper (okay, the laptop)…I have been able to start finding the words I’m looking for. Though a lot of it may never be read by another’s eyes, I find comfort in the fact that it is there. Maybe someday soon I will have the courage to share more…

All in all, No matter how scared I am to be yet another year older, I am looking forward to what my 25th year is going to bring.